World’s most bone-chilling adverts? Those ones for Patek Philippe that show a horrid rich man or woman all in tailored cashmere in some vile hotel lobby showing off their watch to a revolting, sleek little child, dressed far too old for its age, with the legend: “You never actually own a Patek Philippe, you merely look after it for the next generation.” And all you can see is the cold dead eyes of the spoilt child hoping that its awful, vain, probably Swiss parent will die horribly in a car accident soon, so that it can get its hands on the watch and whatever other naff bling is coming to it in the will.

As the 2013 Guinness World Records are published, Giles Coren brings us the 14 records that should have been included, but weren’t

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